Christine Burke Fitness » Humor

Alan’s Words of Wisdom: Names on the No-Fly List

Christine Burke — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 02:36:03 +0000

The 7/12/10 issue of Time magazine quotes Santhos Thomas when Thomas learned that his 6-year-old daughter’s name was on the U.S. government’s no-fly list (Verbatim, p. 26). Thomas’s quote was: She may have threatened her sister, but I don’t think that constitutes Homeland Security triggers.

My husband’s sage advice upon hearing this:

Don’t name your kids after terrorists.

Thanks, sweetie. Maybe one of our kids will be a best selling author like Justin Halpern (Sh*t My Dad Says).

Runner’s Gift from Scott Meyers of Basic Instructions

Christine Burke — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 12:52:47 +0000

My favorite comic strips of all time are: The Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, Bloom Country, Life in Hell, Dilbert, Foxtrot, and Basic Instructions.

If you’ve never heard of the last one, go immediately to basicinstructions.net and enjoy. I found out about Basic Instructions on Scott “Dilbert” Adams’s blog, and it turns out Scott Meyers, the creator of Basic Instructions, is amazingly cool.

How cool is he?

I told Scott I loved this strip about freaky runner parades, and could I have a mug of it? Rather than completely ignore me, which is usually what happens when I write to my internet heroes, he sends me a link to a customizable mug:

Anti-Running Mug from Scott Meyers of Basic Instructions

Now go buy it for all your runner friends, especially if they’ve just finished a marathon or half! I suggest the 15oz ringer’s mug in black or the travel mug. Buy yourself one of Scott’s signed books or Infini-Tee while you’re at it.

Thanks Scott! I hereby officially deem you Prime Exalted Cartoonist of LightheartedFitness.com!

Beaten to Death by Butterflies

Christine Burke — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 21:18:03 +0000

A while back, I heard the phrase “beaten to death by butterflies” to describe how all the little stresses of work and life cumulatively add up to a overwhelming sense of helplessness or failure. Exercise and eating habits can fall to the wayside because they just add to the swarm.

I’d really like to hear from you… what do you do to manage your attacking butterflies? You can comment below, tweet me @cparkburke, or send me an email at christine@lightheartedfitness.com.

Alan’s Words of Wisdom: On Training Cats

Christine Burke — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 05:08:41 +0000

We adopted 2 kitties from FOCAS a few months ago, and I got it in my head to try clicker training them. I had a few false starts, but after a little research on YouTube, I’m getting pretty good results.

One of the super useful things about clicker training is that you can train your pets to calmly get into a carrier or even sit still for a blood draw. Dr. Temple Grandin talks about this in her latest book, Animals Make Us Human. So, I was working on getting the kittens to enter a carrier by themselves, when Alan walked by. He got a very sweet, fond expression on his face, and he smiled and said:

Awww… it’s so cute that you think you’re training them…

Kitten Crunch!

Christine Burke — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:33:48 +0000

New core exercise! The Kitten Crunch!

You’ll need to adopt a cute kitten (or 2) from your local shelter or animal welfare group. When the kitten on your lap decides to take a nap, hold the position below for 30 seconds. As your core gets stronger and your kitten gets older, you should be able to increase to 1, even 2, minutes.

Kitten was adopted from focas-sandiego.org (Friends of County Animal Shelters). Please support their good work.

Alan Asks for Crossword Help

Christine Burke — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:48:30 +0000

My husband, who likes solving crosswords, sometimes asks me for help. Apparently, looking up words in a dictionary and asking your wife for answers is not cheating. Buying a special crossword dictionary or searching Google is.

Today, Alan asked: Do you know the song “The Year of the Cat”?

Me: No.

*pause*

Alan: Do you know who sings it?

Diapers 101 for Baseball Fans

Christine Burke — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 04:52:14 +0000

From baseball great Jimmy Piersall (at Annie’s Mailbox):

“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

Happy Father’s Day!

Alan’s Words of Wisdom: On The Right Way to Make Dinner

Christine Burke — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 04:47:03 +0000

My husband announced he was making steak for dinner and started making noise in the kitchen. I noticed that he had pulled out our cocktail shaker and a few bottles of liquor. I noted, “That doesn’t look like steak…” He gave me a LOOK and said:

Baby, you clearly don’t understand The Process.

He then went back to “making dinner”, muttering something to the effect that I might enjoy cooking more if I did it right.

Alan’s Words of Wisdom: On Twitter

Christine Burke — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:15:51 +0000

This is my husband’s impression of Twitter:

Got one leg in my underwear!
Got the other one in!
Pulling my underwear up now!
Feels good!

Happy anniversary, sweetie! Love you for making me laugh!

Video Break: Fluffy Cat & the Big Box

Christine Burke — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:47:47 +0000

Remember the fluffy cat that stuck its head in the tiny plastic box?